He may wonder what I am like and what it would have been like to grow up knowing me... but it is better that it didn't happen. amorvida Posts: 498 Member. I don't know if I could do that to someone. I'm slightly sad she met her son in jail. Placing a child for adoption is a difficult decision and it takes time. I miss him and sometimes I cry but I know he is in a MUCH better place than I ever could have provided for him. We all think that adoption is an incredibly expensive process, costing tens of thousands of dollars. 2 years later they received a phone call that the bio parents had just gave birth to a daughter and they were giving it up as well. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Putting a 3-year-old up for adoption is a significant decision, and we want to help you make the best choice for you and your child. I don't regret it, but having depression and anxiety, I sometimes can get a little emotional about it. You mention they insisted you try to care for him in the beginning so I can't imagine it went over well when you finally gave him up. If you are sexually active, it is important to be proactive about your contraception options if you do not want to conceive a child. I didn't like this guy at all and honestly just didn't want another baby. I said she still scared him with that threat and told her to leave my apartment because honestly, I was far too mad and because I didn’t want her to be near him right now. For some perspective I spoke to Vicki Hoefle, 57, a parent educator in East Middlebury, Vermont, and author of Duct Tape Parenting.. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get pregnant in the first place? I hope that you know you don't need a baby now to be a complete person; you are already a complete person. My feelings were only complicated when I lost a pregnancy at four months, around 3 and a half months ago. If this is your current thought process, please know that putting a toddler up for adoption can still be a loving and beneficial choice for your child. She took care of him for 6 weeks before putting him up for adoption. She asked if I would consider giving the new baby up for adoption. Adoption offers your baby life, hope, and a future where you can know and love your child and be a part of their life if you wish. His mom is really cool about keeping us in contact. I do not feel like his mother. I didn't take it home from the hospital or even hold it. Well who would have guessed, less than two weeks later my mom finds a posting online about a girl who was born in the same place and at the same time as the child my mom had given up. I’ll never stop getting justice boners from reading the comments on that post. Learn more about placing your child for adoption as a pregnant Most adoption agencies specialize in infant adoptions. I was happy to do it because it was absolutely the right thing to do... for both of us. How to give up a child for adoption Every May, we set aside one day to celebrate mothers and what they mean to us—but motherhood comes in many forms. Maybe later in life he'll have questions but he's I was actually looking for that post because i searched adoption on this sub and someone mentioned that. From biological and surrogate to foster and adoptive, no mom is exactly the same. In a domestic infant adoption, hopeful adoptive families will have to find a woman who is considering placing her child for adoption. Giving Baby Up for Adoption - Articles "Giving a Baby Up" for Adoption is Giving an Incredible Life [Here's Why] 30 Reasons Why Women "Give a Child Up" for Adoption Why You Shouldn't Say "Give Up for Adoption" Benefits of Adoption 8 Important Adoption Rights You'll Have as a Birth Mother When Can You "Give a Child Up" for Adoption? My whole life I had been raised with the knowledge that my parents had sacrificed so I would be the first to go to college. It was the best decision I've ever made. 28/M/MN Fixed :D Break the cycle. I was, as I knew I would be, terrible at it. This is an extremely tough question to answer. 36/F/cats+rats - Gave a kid up for adoption. He plays sports in school and seems really happy. If your child has special needs, you may feel that you cannot provide for him or her. The boy will be turning 14 in January and I've not seen him since I gave him up. The waiting period can be as short as 12 hours or up to 15 days. Years later she is older and a lesbian and her biological daughter called her wanting to met her, which she didn't want to since she wanted to bury that place and it seemed the daughter wanted a mom since her mom-the adopted one her raised her-died. If you have questions like, “Can I place a special needs baby up for adoption?” or “Can I place a sick baby up for adoption?” know that you aren’t alone. I took it right away. January 2019. However, I was 16, scared out of my damn mind and by the time I told anyone it was too late. Another boy- we were going to name him William but call him Liam because William is a lot for a little boy. I had already had one child. People who don’t understand fathers that ‘give up’ a child for adoption don’t understand the incredibly difficult … But you probably have many questions about what adoption means for you — and how you’ll be perceived for choosing this path: He's got a much better life now with his adoptive family, and I'm much happier not having to parent a child I didn't want. I would LOVE to hang out with him and get to know him but the decision is completely his. Private domestic and international adoption can be a major financial burden. My wife and I just recently had our first son, and the scene you describe -- holding him in your arms knowing that he's yours but not yours -- cut through me like a knife. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was too late for an abortion. At the dad's great disbelief, she never bonded with the baby during pregnancy and childbirth, and she moved on with her life. They could feel that they are not ready to have another child, which translates to them giving the baby up for adoption. Simply put; I don’t. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's also the most rewarding thing I've ever done. This was after a long process of trying and fertility treatments. Never doubt it. If you are considering “giving your baby up” for adoption, when to decide is completely up to you and when you are ready. Whether it’s finances, your relationship with your child’s father, or other personal struggles you’re going through, you aren’t alone in considering giving a toddler up for adoption. Afterwards I couldn't even look at him. He is ten years old and I only know him through the letters and photographs his family sends. Open adoption through Lifetime gives you the opportunity to make the choices that will affect you and your child. Due to family pressure, I did try for several months. Not your monkeys. Also that all bio moms were coerced and tricked into giving up their child. You did the best you could for your children. If you regret having placed your child for adoption, I think your subsequent actions heavily depend on what your initial intent for placement was. Read below to hear Erin’s experience when she chose adoption for her child. I was seventeen and the product of teen pregnancy. I need to go to the hospital and come home with my child. Most people look at a child’s adoption as a beautiful thing, but rarely see the birth parents in a positive light. As an adopted child trust me when I say that you would mean so so much to them. But the process of putting a 1-year-old up for adoption is not without its unique challenges. Here are a few of them. Is there a mod for being able to put your baby up for adoption. Hello I broached the topic to my husband of maybe putting our son up for adoption, so he can be raised in a better household. I am 16 years old and 24 weeks pregnant. How to “Give a Baby Up” for Adoption; Why Adoption Isn’t “Giving Up” Making Your Adoption Plan If you’re asking yourself this question, check out this guide to when you can “give your child up” for adoption. As mentioned above, our professionals can explain every step of the adoption process and answer any questions about “giving a child up” for adoption that you may have at this time. “Giving” a one-year-old child up for adoption can be one of the most rewarding and worthwhile things you ever do, because it can provide you and your child both with a brighter future. They can take longer if they need to. I hope that when he is old enough, he decides he wants to meet me. After a year of being homeless with a baby, I decided to find a family for him. Giving a child up for adoption isn’t really giving up your child. I do not feel connected to him whatsoever. ... Mod for putting child up for adoption. Also, if you don't mind me asking, did the father know about the child? How Adoption Works. Oh, I am super fertile at seventeen but at 26 with a degree and the house and the husband-- I can't get pregnant. In 40 states and Washington, D.C., the adoption laws allow minors to place a baby for adoption without any differences in the process. I'll try to dig for that story see if it will help. It depends on whether the adoption has been legally finalized or not. I doubt they regretted it. He knew I was his mom, we already knew each other, and had been together for nine months. I never wanted kids. Years and years later my mom had recieved a call from her sister, saying that she had a dream where she was reunited with her daughter via the internet and she needed to go looking. Placing a child for adoption is a difficult decision and it takes time. That sounds horrendously painful. I spoke to an agency, a counselor came over with folders of family profiles for me to choose from. Perhaps they were in n You know what? He was born just after I turned 18. I got to hold him afterwards and he had soft, downy dark hair and curled into me. But a part of me wonders sometimes if he misses me, even unconsciously and feels the same sense of loss. I friend of mine has a adopted son. 3 years later I met a guy and got pregnant the same night I met him (it had My son was 9 months old when my husband told me he was gay and left me. I don't want to give my daughter up for adoption but it seems like everyone around me is telling me i should look into it and really consider it. 5. Giving up a child for adoption is probably one of the hardest decisions a mom has to make. Fathers that “give up” a child for adoption are not “giving up.” They are not “weak” or “irresponsible.” In fact, supporting the birth mother in her adoption plan is the most responsible thing you can do. Assuredly, there are women who gave up kids for adoption and went merrily on their way. Adoption is an option for toddlers as well, though it can be a bit more difficult finding a n adoption agency who specializes in toddler placement. I seem to recall a CF woman on here, who gave up her daughter for adoption and she didn't regret it since she was in a terrible place emotionally and mentally. I know I would be a good mother. Once an adoption order is made, the adopters become the child’s legal parents and the birth parents no longer have any legal rights in relation to the child, although there may be arrangements made for you to have news of your child. Also my BIL in adopted and has met his bio mom and dad. A woman giving up a baby for adoption in California is doing anything but giving up on that baby. I put a baby up for adoption almost 2 years ago. I gave up my son when he was almost 2. I see a lot of people push through unfortunate circumstances and come out great. Most parents who give up a child for adoption know it was the best decision for both them and their child. Placing a child for adoption is a very emotional and complicated decision, one that will affect the rest of your life in various ways. I got pregnant the first time I ever had sex (yeah) and immediately tried to get an abortion. One of the not so good doctors I talked to suggested this. Since 2017 the couple received sponsorship deals and video revenue. He loves to draw, play guitar and skate. The assumption is that if you are willing to give your child up, you must lack empathy or mental health or some other important quality. My second son was born on Christmas of 2011. But we had already made plans. They named him Jacob and call him Jake. I know that kids aren't for me and her parents are fantastic, so I know everything worked out for the best in my case. Was this child the youngest and your grandmother didn't think your mom could handle another child? What's that like, and do these women have any regrets? My husband has said repeatedly: ‘If I knew then what I know now…NO!’ Yet, I’ve never seen a better father… ever. A lot. That's probably the first time I've felt like crying in a long time. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. If you plan to give an older child up for adoption, you are likely facing difficult circumstances, and you may feel like you do not have control of your current life situation. Choosing adoption is often at all The only thing I'd do differently if I could do it over was to never get pregnant in the first place. The selfless gift of giving your baby a better life through different parents is not giving up on your baby. Do you still have contact with the adoptive family? I don't regret it at all. I would absolutely recommend adoption to anyone who is thinking about adopting out their baby. I saw a couple ladies discussing it yesterday on the sub. I told her about my regret and how I'm having a hard time and she Please please please be respectful of others' decisions. Made me tear up. If you decide to give your baby up for adoption, first you'll need to speak to an adoption agency. For example, the story of the woman who gladly gave up her kid to the father's sole custody at birth and never interacted with the baby ever again. Discussion and links of interest to childfree individuals. Is there a mod for being able to put your baby up for adoption . Keep in mind that your child already has a life, and this would mean creating a new one. And it makes holes that won't ever go away. She has no information as to where he could be, she doesn't even know if he lived due to his heart problems. Without any confromation or even seeing her face she knew that was her daughter. I felt like someone had torn out my heart and the baby had looked so much like my boyfriend. Please tell me that that's not all true and there are many women who are perfectly fine and well adjusted after putting up their child for adoption. Despite the fact that it perpetuates inaccuracies about the adoption process and is a harmful phrase for all members of the adoption triad, the phrase “giving a baby up” continues to be used time and time again in adoption circles. But when is the right time to do so? Navigation. Turns out my son has pretty severe autism and his adoptive mom works with one of the best hospitals in the state, so it worked out really well. Not true. How it feels to go through the adoption process is different for every woman, but there are some common emotions of "giving your child up" for adoption that your adoption professional will prepare you for. Comments. Im not to sure how old she was but i know she ran cross country, had the baby and then came back home. And no, you don't have to be in his life if he doesn't feel the need. I know I made the right decision for him but I do wonder every day what life would be like for us now- me with a 13 year old son. For a pregnant Muslim woman, putting baby up for adoption can be scary. Read more about the process of placing a disabled baby up for adoption. Families can be overwhelmed with the information they see regarding adoption costs and give up before they even really begin. If you are pregnant, you will typically not give consent until the child has been safely delivered. How the process works In terms of section 233(4) of the Children’s Act 38 of 2005, a person must prove that he or she was counselled by an adoption social worker before signing permission for the adoption. A few years later she started having more kids with my dad, and i know she felt guilty having all of us and knowing there was another one out there. What Is Adoption? 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